A Mother's Custody Injustice
I've never done anything like this before. I've never been in a desperate situation where I am in a soundproof bubble, and the system does not hear my cries. They see me, but they say I'm not there. This Michigan law Family and friends of the Division of the Court. It is our system: that which we suppose to rely on freedom, justice and freedom. My prayer is that you read through. Although this is my hell and my pain, this story must be heard. Please do not hesitate to leave reviews and post your story to various blogs and social marketing opportunities. It is imperative that we use our voice, otherwise it will continue to occur to mothers who do not deserve. Justice must prevail, I must get my daughter back, and officials involved in my biased If need to be reprimanded. This must climb the political ranks and attain the steps of the Supreme Court. I can not do it alone.
I am a wife and mother of four amazing. We are an American white collar, middle class family. I am so happy and grateful that we have house of 2500 square feet nice backup to Green 4th of a prestigious golf course. I was not always this status, most people are not. We have start somewhere, and then we gradually improved through the combination of time, effort and experience. I consider myself as usual. I like Most of you have experienced significant relationships. I was injured. I failed and dropped out on things. I really traveled, I went to college. I am a thinker, a reader, and I am gentle. I love nature and respect of his anger. I am not religious, but I am deeply spiritual. I am passionate love and care for my children. I'm still looking .... search for truth, for, mindfulness authenticity. I seek the path that is ultimately the dashboard "".... you know, that little mark on a tombstone that is located between day of your birth and the day you spent .... is the dashboard, I am referring to.
I would ask, are you quite the same? Probably. I am grateful that we can redeem our whole life to better decisions, of course-correcting, and leave an impression that we can be proud.
So why am I writing about the injustices of care?
On January 22, 2009, I lost custody of my daughter of 9 years the elder four. I have not lost custody because of violence or because of illness or because I did not care for her. I did not lose custody because drugs or alcohol, or due to a lack of interest and participation in its social and educational needs. I have not lost guard because I could not give him clothes, food, shelter or emotional support. I lost to an incompetent justice system whose responsibility to a higher court or an officer is unlikely. Records are so tightly sealed in Michigan Family Court System that the probability of reprimand and justice as it is likely that the sky turns yellow tomorrow.
I was under the disillusion that a mother is unable or unwilling mother could lose custody of a child. I never dreamed that a mother who was competent, loving, stable, and loan could lose their child.
I raised my daughter alone and was completely alone during my pregnancy. His father and I separated ways, because he had some serious addictions to overcome, and I did not want any part of it. When I told him about the pregnancy (which was immediately), he denied any responsibility. He started to accuse me of being promiscuous. His parents and brothers were unaware of his addiction for most (they knew he used drugs but they did not know to what extent), and have also begun to propose that the baby was not his. Over the next few months I started to look inside myself and have done some pretty adult decisions.
I finally fell in Michigan with my family when I was 34 weeks' gestation. I felt that was the best thing I could do for me and my unborn child. I would be home in a safe, moral, and loving, enjoying unconditional support. The love and support is what I needed and I did not get in Indiana. The father of my unborn child was still separate from the responsibility and I have come to accept that we were alone. I was about to embark upon "single parenthood" a journey for me as the person I want to be a journey that would be so treacherous at times, it would test my endurance down to the core of my being. Despite this, I was ready to assume.
I never married his father. After my daughter was born, I re-met a man I knew when I was a child and became pregnant again. I was on birth control when this happened and was devastated to be in this situation again. I married this man 7 months later had another child and we divorced When our youngest was 2 years. If I've not disgusted by the company, it gets worse. I got pregnant again with someone who has become the love of my life, before our divorces were final. OUCH! If you are misled into thinking that we are on our ex-spouse, think again. This is no reason why our previous marriages dissolved, but in the middle of our divorce, we met and became attracted to one another. I eventually marry for the last time, and the rest is history.
Regarding my surprise pregnancy past in my mind then and still this a few years now about 6 years, I think the right and responsible action to take regarding my situation was to carry the pregnancy to term if it was socially accepted or not. No person or court should have the right to impose their belief as an absolute rule that if a law has been broken. For some unreasonable thought process Dimensional unique to our company with such impatience is consistent, I was labeled as immoral (the court), years later. I did not do something that everyone does not do. Hello, people have sex. Some become pregnant, others not. These are Women who become pregnant are at a disadvantage. Think about it ... when you have a big balloon belly, evidence that you engaged in sexual activity is simple and clear. If you are on birth control effectively, no one thinks about it. To a man, there is no visual indication that engages in sexual activity. Only the pregnant woman woman who undergoes the "immoral" label. Because it is pregnant and unmarried, she must be promiscuous. That, unfortunately, is the chastisement of our society and system have on women.
When our daughter was 18 months, my friendship with her father was recovering, and for the next 7 years, I consider a best friend. I put much thought into the life of my child without his parents would agree and be favorable to another. With all my strength selfish, I do not want to bite the bullet, but it was not about me me me anymore. He stopped using drugs and even stopped smoking. The court parentage verified through DNA testing (ordered by the court can begin to collect support and recover the costs hospitals that Medicaid paid originally). It was not until 2 years he has begun to pay support and arrears approaching $ 3,000.00.
It was a first instance court when our daughter was 5 months, he would lie under oath for the first time indicating that he had provided financially for his daughter and saw her regularly. He requested a motion prevented from leaving the state of Michigan has denied the girl was his. At this time the paternity has not been established, nor court order for the visit and / or support concluded. This was not until almost 2 years old. The judge ruled in favor of father, and I was not to move the residence of our child from the state of Michigan.
Over the next 8 years, Life goes on. My family was complete, I found my life partner, I ran my own successful company, and agreed to an intense program of leadership development. I coordinated and hosted the charitable benefits for our local Child Abuse and Neglect Council regular meeting and framed with the superintendent of my school children of district and school administrators on topics such as leadership and parenting, and has been invited to be a guest speaker for career days. I am deeply involved in the education of my children and provide to volunteer in their schools. Each week, I meet individually over their break. These are our special "dates".
This not my intention to toot my own horn. I just want you to be able to measure my participation. While this is just an educational standpoint, the level of involvement is more in all facets of their lives.
This is my life a turning point:
I received notification June 25, 2008 that the non-custodial parent has asked the court to change custody. In Michigan, there are 12 factors considered in determining the "interest of the child. " It is essentially a game .... whoever gets the most points wins.
I was completely blind side. There was like a petition before me a change of custody due to abuse and lack of financial resources. I can not even begin to express my shock and disbelief at this nonsense. There was an erroneous testimony alleging that I physically abused my daughter, often cursed her, would cry uncontrollably, and was unable to financially support extracurricular activities such as gymnastics for her.
I scratched his head, wondering if it was a cruel joke.
In April 2008, for the first time in a support order has been recorded, I asked that the court considers that an examination for child support. Because the father lives in Indiana, which complicates orders regarding child support. It does not pay standards are in Michigan, although my daughter and I lived in Michigan. He pays according formulations Indiana which are much lower. Our child is no longer a baby, and the cost of maintenance daily had increased over the past 7 years.
I received a call from him days later in front of me about the review request. When I told him that indeed I have requested the examination, it changed everything. Our friendship was a turning point, and a payback came in the form of a change in movement prison June 25, 2008.
An order for mediation has been entered. This is a "service" is provided under the auspices of the Friend of the Court. This mediator is not bound by the standards of family law and is absolved from prosecution that might result from their recommendations .... good, bad or indifferent. In other words, if your mediator is unable (to put it nicely), you can not file a complaint against him / her as a result. They are untouchable. As convenient.
Of the 12 factors in a fair and transparent world, I would support only 8 factors and we would equally share of 4 factors. The only way would be possible for us to share the 4 factors was the direct result of my belief that my daughter and her father would need to spend more time together than the court was the command. A normal parent / child bond would have been impossible with one weekend per month (which was the order of the court).
Unfortunately, this is not an honest and transparent world. It is unfortunately a world full of selfish people, unconscious, scathing (and many they are in politics).
My thoughts are in mediation is that it (the mediator) would instantly see that the evidence applicants has been exaggerated. I trust that the mediator would be smart, have an eye and an ear for inconsistencies, and could be able to accurately decipher between truth and falsehood.
In addition, as this is part of my way to communicate I never hesitate to use metaphors, analogies, or guidelines. Intelligent discussion of the facts about my relationship with both my girl and her father were completely botched the recommendation in writing by the mediator.
An example of 1 of the countless tracks seriously biased the conversation is as follows:
I shared with the mediator about how my 4 children, the personalities of each even very different .... parent .... 4 different personalities. I took this analogy that I will share a leadership speaker motivational. The statement gave this place was called "Buffalo and Butterflies." I told the mediator: "I have 4 children. I can best describe as follows: 2 are butterflies .... bouncy happy and fluttery. I also have a mosquito .... This little guy is always attached to Me, either on my hip or my knee. Then I have my buffalo. It has a strong will, is difficult to move once the decision is taken, and is sometimes simply stubborn.
What I said and the context in which I said that was not transmitted in the same so in the recommendation. The mediator writes it on the final recommendation: "The mother refers to her child as a bull!"
That's it. Would you say it says relayed my statement?
Here's another account:
They asked me why I could be opposed to my daughter to live with his father. Because it is not just a single answer to this question, one of My reasons were: "My daughter is a very bright child. She received her education in one of the best state schools. Children are tested in school and is a school dedicated to creative arts and academic giftedness. My daughter is surrounded daily by cultural diversity and higher education. These children are placed to participate in any university in the country. My daughter has the potential to be a surgeon brain. In the Amish community saw his father in the percentages of people who finish primary school are counted. If they graduate, they will to work in local factories trailer, farms or grocers. My daughter can not be more than that. His father, grandfather and great grandfather have all worked for the family excavation business. His education here will help his position for a happier life than I had.
It is that the Ombudsman has written to the recommendation: "The reason the mother does not want her child to live in Indiana, because it said that his daughter will grow up to be nothing more than a clerk grocery store where she lives with her father. " She ignored all Other reasons I have given, such as that she has 3 brothers and younger sisters at home .... how could it change their lives for not having their sister with them?
Here's another:
In an attempt to defend myself from false and hurtful allegations of premiscuity, I shared with the mediator that I've had a handful of links, each were deeply significant. I told him that at least I knew the names of people whom I share my bed, while the father of my daughter did not. He lost his virginity in a different country in a state of intoxication. He did not know the girl ... not even his name. After the birth of our daughter, he frequents the clubs of this gentleman and paid for sexual pleasures.
Thus the Ombudsman's recommendation reads: "The mother of the minor child, said knew the names of men she placed with. "Nothing else has been written about this conversation. This piece of conversation has been moved to the recommendation under the moral fitness factor parents. He was favored on this factor. Also, while in the court, counsel for the father asked me: "you told the mediator that you know the names of men that you raised with? ". Then she gave that little laugh accomplice and used body language intended to intimidate. It always makes my flesh creep so far. I said "yes "..... but then she interrupted and said:" It was a yes or know the answer. " I was not allowed to finish.
There's more ... much, much more than accounts of the note poor and make inaccurate. Most of my testimony was not reflected in the final recommendation. It is my belief that the mediator had his mind made up within minutes of our introduction.
Return to the first day of the interview: I was not prepared for 4 hours long bash-fest I was about to embark on when I entered the office of mediator with the father of my daughters. I thought that the mediator would routinely discuss each factor with us and allow us each a turn to share our side. This is not what happened. No sooner did she explain the protocol and the mocking began. This man had been carefully prepared by his lawyer on what to say and when to tell it. Secondly I was not. My lawyer advised me to be honest and transparent.
It became clear almost immediately he had been practicing his every word. He also knew exactly what the mediator will ask. In fact, he has answered all before it is asked, on the whole line. He came to the air after 4 hours.
All I could manage was frequent events. I could not get a word, I was not the opportunity '. He urged the blame and resentment, which no one had grain of truth. The Ombudsman wrote everything he said, and it carried over into the final recommendation. It did not and could not verify everything he was fired because nothing was true.
My thoughts were literally spinning in my head. Where did all this come from? How did he come with it? Expect some of these characteristics are his, not mine, but I blame? This must be a very bad dream! He put pages and pages worth of shit Bull erroneous and now, all I had was the hope that the mediator could see through.
Because we were not even close to finish the interview / Query, again was expected .... This time we went in separately. I was much more comfortable with that. When I sat down with the mediator, she went through each factor with me. The interview lasted approximately 1 1 / 2 hours and during that time, she scribbled some notes only a handful of times. This made me afraid.
When my ex was interviewed alone, he gave him the opportunity to draw more allegations things about me out of his magic bag. This time without my protest.
I'll tell you my feelings about it took half a lap. This is a person who praised me as an individual and as a parent during the past 7 years, a person who called me on almost every day just to chat, someone who I re-open my heart to save as a friend and opened my house until the weekend he came to seek our daughter, but the roads were too bad for travel, a person who called me his best friend.
I realized it was an person who was a front for all these years, planning all along to make this move, or it was the sudden new relationship and commitment that in what was triggered. It's really something to witness ... selfishness is. We all have, but for some, it goes through a sort of metamorphosis. When you give wings of selfishness, it can and will go anywhere. It will plow anything and everything bothers him and he will not look back, because he has no conscience.
I knew based on the final recommendation was that continued during his private meeting to launch a few more details out there fictitious for registration.
In the end, the father guardian was not in favor of the 12 factors. The Saginaw County Friend of the court mediator does not support me on one. Her testimony will prove that "drive" needed to get sole physical custody.
During the final hearing, my attorney Blasted holes through the testimony the plaintiff and has devalued the Ombudsman's recommendation by testimonies and printed documentation. The principal and teachers were witnesses, my husband and my mother. My lawyer said a contradiction after another. She went through each factor, line by line and any that, even with a pea-sized brain would conclude that the allegations had no proof, some have been pleasantly ridiculous, and the recommendation of a friend of the court mediator was devoid of evidence and has been prepared solely from one-sided hearsay.
I lost custody of my daughter that day. My children lost their sister. The same indulgence and generosity offered his father during all these years was not for me (with all visits to weekend holiday was extended, and sharing of all school holidays). The judge was the breath of the revocation of my right to joint legal custody and verbalized this in the last seconds of his trial.
He is 10 months that the Guard was lost. Our lives have changed so much, and then my girls. Every single thing that his father favored by the mediator or never existed or exists only for a moment, long enough for it to be announced on the record. I received one weekend per calendar month. I am responsible to drive to Indiana to take this Friday and we get home about 8 hours. We have all of Saturday to reconnect, and then it is retracted early Sunday afternoon. I do not see at all remaining for the 2009 holidays, or for the first half of 2010 holidays. We live 156 miles apart, and Michigan, if the parties live apart for more than 150 miles, they are granted by default only 1 visit per month (plus a weekend). Although the judge knew that I would leave all the visits, another weekend with our daughter, he does not feel pushed or kindly provide me the same.
She was raised by her single father, whose appointment was canceled shortly after the custody was changed. His relationship breaks down completely and her fiancé and her young child moved. My daughter is now 10 did not influence the mother on a daily basis, just 1 1 / 2 days per month. Person to sit down with to discuss "girl things", no Mumma to play with her hair, Tuck it in or snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug at night without having Mumma "spa nights" with (that is when we leave all our goodies beauty and makeup done and pedicures). Girls need their mother. Forty-eight hours per month is unreasonable and did not help kissing link mother / daughter. It is not even nearly enough time to be!
If I ever do, I would not change a thing, except ..... I put a voice recorder maintenance mediation. It should be required by state law that the testimony given to the mediation or conversations are recorded.
I learned a lesson that may be hard to me, but it has also been a big eye-opener:
Transparency, truth and integrity will prevail not always. Sometimes you have to be dirty and cunning to reach the top. For me, I lost something precious and irreplaceable .... but, I have not lost my integrity.
Nothing can ever become the revision request child support in late April 2008 that follows his removal from custody in June 2008. When I contacted the Division of Child Support in Indiana many times before lose custody, they tell me they did not examine the case yet. I called right until I lost my daughter. After the change of custody was ordered, I received a letter from their office stating that because the guard has changed, it is not necessary for consideration.
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